Thursday, December 6, 2007

The Oracle is ~reluctantly~ IN

This may surprise you, but I have a tattoo. Right across my forehead in big, swirly gold letters it says "ASK ME!" It becomes invisible whenever I look in the mirror, but apparently my kids can see it. There is no other explanation for the myriad of largely unanswerable questions that pelt me all day long. I did the math last week and each child averages 67 questions per day.
Here is a sampling of recent inquiries for your amusement. How many of them could you answer without resorting to the internet--or sarcasm?

"How fast does a Beta fish's heart beat?"

"Why do they always make the words in books black and not other colors?"
"How many days until Christmas?"
"What does 'abrasion' mean?"
"What shape is an antibody?"
"What is the biggest number?"
"If a polygon had one hundred sides, what would it be called?"
"What does 'obliged' mean?"
"How do you say 'Breakfast' in Polish?"
"Do I have a leg-pit?"
"How many days until Christmas?"
"What is the capital of the World?"
"How cold is it on Pluto?"
"Why do they call it Iceland?"
"How many days until Christmas?"
"Why doesn't it lightning during a snow storm?"
"Do Caper and Moppett (the cats) dream?"
"Why does the moon follow us?"
"Why do I have to take a bath when it's not Saturday?"
"Can we go to THE Hotel in Ohio tomorrow?"
"What does 'grateful' mean?"
"Why does God love us?"
"Can we spend the night at Grandma's?"
"How many days until Christmas?"
"If you mixed all the colors together, what color would it make?"
"What is cyberspace?"
"Why does it take so long to grow up?"
"Can I have a pink wedding dress?"
"How many days until Christmas?"

My only question is this: If a tattoo is invisible, can you get it removed anyway?