Inspiration

An Inspiring Idea

Speaking My Language

The last few days have been filled with processing sweet corn and scrubbing sticky corn starch off the kitchen floor. Our 8 yo (the one with the domestic yen) was such a huge help this year and I am grateful for her willing heart and her company. While we take a day to recover, here are a couple of comics to enjoy:

Mutts Laundry Funny

Zits Laundry Funny

Cold Shower

"Cold Shower: A surprisingly chilly reception, reaction or response"--from the American Heritage Dictionary of Idioms

I feel a sadistic laugh coming on.

I can do that...

In an email from Chris Baty (the founder of National Novel Writing Month):

"Well, you rocked it this November. I hope your NaNo recovery process has been going smoothly, and that you're now knee-deep in celebrations that will prevent you from attending to any work tasks, school duties, or household chores for a long time. (Remember: NaNoWriMo winners do NOT do their own laundry. It sets a bad precedent.)

See? I'm just following orders.

Laundry Limerick

A woman avoided the laundry
Leaving family in quite a quandary;
With no clothing to wear,
And too embarrassed to bare
In public their all and sundry.

Vestiphobes are afraid to wear clothes. Ablutophobes are afraid to wash. That must mean that Vestablutophobes are afraid of washing clothes. The cure is a drug called Sudzac, but I'm afraid I have an allergy to the medication.

Occupied

Sorry, can't fold the laundry today...
...it's Occupied.

Speaking of being occupied~my posting might taper off for a little while. I'm in the middle of several projects that I want to write about, but they are pretty involved and will take some time to complete.
In the mean time, you're stuck with banalities like pictures of my cats.

Ultimate Avoidance

You're going to want to sit down for this one. I have discovered the ultimate way to avoid the laundry and it is not what you would expect. Here it is:

• The Best way to avoid the laundry is to do it.

I'll give you a minute to catch your breath and then I'll explain. Feeling okay? Is the lightheadedness going away? Then let me expound upon this profundity.
While I was out in California, I carefully watched my sister-in-law's method of dealing with the dirty clothes. Every day she did a load completely--washed, dried, folded and put away. And if you were not paying attention, it happened fast enough that you might miss it. I decided to try this same method when I got home and discovered several things.

When I do laundry once a week, the dirty clothes pile up. The closet gets full and smelly. When I wash, it takes all day. If I do manage to fold all of it, it takes hours. If I don't fold it, which happens more often, then we are tripping over baskets, heaps and wads of clean clothes in the bedrooms. If, however, I do one load a day--completely, then it's over and done before I have time to feel the pain. It's kind of like ripping off a bandaid. There are no piles on the bed or floor. The closet doesn't smell. And the girls don't gripe about folding a few pieces at a time.

So it would seem that finishing up quickly and not having to look at it or dig through it to find what you need is actually a more effective way of Avoiding the Laundry than just pretending to ignore it but not really being able to escape it.

Aren't paradoxes fun?

*the trading card was made for my by HG of the Shoebee Crew as is called "Hanging the Laundry". When I find the perfect frame it is going on the wall in my laundry room, which happens to be the same blue as this card. :)

101 Uses for a dryer sheet

I've updated the list for the coffee filters and thought it was time to add a new item to our 101 Uses lists. This time, Dryer Sheets!

1. Tie or pin a dryer sheet to your clothing to repel mosquitoes when you are letterboxing. I tuck mine into my cap to keep them away from my face.
2. They also repel ants...
3. ...and mice...
4. ...and yellow jackets...
5. They will take the odor out of books and photo albums.
6. Remove static electricity from your tv or computer screen...
7. ...it also helps keep dust from resettling on those surfaces.
8. Dissolve soap scum from shower doors and tubs.
9. Put one in the vaccum cleaner.
10. Store one in empty luggage to keep them smelling fresh when not in use.
11. Store them in sleeping bags or camping gear.
    
12. Lay them in drawers or on shelves in closets.
13. Put them in the top of laundry hampers...
14. ...or gym bags...
15. ...or tennis shoes...
16. ...or garbage cans...
17. ...or litterboxes...
18. ...or the fridge... (you'd think we had issues with stinkiness, wouldn't you?)
    
19. Run a threaded needle through a dryer sheet to keep it from tangling.
20. Use them to collect pet hair from furniture.
21. Use them to remove baked on food from cookware. Lay a sheet in the pan and fill with water. Let it sit and then wipe off the food. The anti static agent helps break the bond between the food and the dish.
22. Use them to clean up saw dust after sand or drilling.
23. Dust venetian blinds with a dryer sheet.
24. I have used them to control my girls' fly away hair.
25. Rub them on slips, skirts, etc to remove the static.
26. Oh! I almost forgot! You can put them in your dryer too.
    

Your turn!

Laundry Funnies

One of the highlights of my day is when DH arrives home from work. I could get all mushy and say that it's because I love him so much and am happy that we are no longer apart, but the truth is that it's because I get to switch from a Zone to a Man-to-Man defense. That and he brings me the Chicago Tribune comics every day.
For the last year, I have been clipping funnies that reflect how much I relish doing the laundry. I'd like to share a few of them.

It's Raining Trading Cards!

Until I started posting all of these cards, I hadn't realized that I had made that many! It's not wonder the laundry never gets folded!

This is Kirby's (our crazy border collie) card. It's called Are You Ready? All we have to do is say the word ready, even whisper it in another room of the house, and Kirby is on the alert. This card was available to trade with people who sent me the story of the the worst thing their dog ever rolled in. Boy, did I ever get some great stories!
Kitty Love was my valentine card. My 9 yo saw the picture of this cat with the heart shaped kink in her tail and she made me carve it.
The Koi card was my contribution to the Zoo Animals ring. This photo doesn't do the card justice. I stamped the Koi (an Escher design, I might add) in a random pattern all over light blue paper and then cut it to size. Then I took ink jet transparency film and did a blue wash on the "rough" side to give the look of water. I used spray adhesive to attach the transparency to the koi paper and then stamped the lily pads on top. When you look at the card, it really does seem like you are looking down through the water to see the fish.
The Lady Slipper Orchid above was carved for my SiL, and the Pansy Orchid below was carved for my Mom. Can I help it if some trading cards got made along the way?
More showers in the forecast for later!

Domestic Numbers Racket

The next time DH asks me what I've been doing all day and why I'm so tired, I'm ready. No more simple chore and errand lists for me. Nuh-uh. No more, "Well, I cleaned and got groceries and mowed the lawn."
I'm going to dazzle him with statistics.

I didn't just do chores.

• I put 3 miles on the treadmill.
• I vacuumed 2430 square feet and mopped 266 square feet of floor.
• I sorted, washed, dried, folded and put away 223 items of clothing. There should have been 224 items, but there's always that one sock...(I haven't decided if this statistic would be more impressive by weight.)
• I washed, dried and put away 76 dishes.
• I dealt with 172 pounds of groceries. (by the time you handle it 6 times that's over 1000 pounds.)
• I drove 46 miles and put 2 kids in and out of car seats 4 times each.
• I mowed 8.86 miles of grass. (I used the trip computer on my GPS for this one.)
• I read Fox in Sox...twice.
• I created 312 stitches of embroidery.
• I answered the phone 17 times.
• I ran up and down 31 flights of stairs. (many times carrying the laundry and groceries.)
• I let the dog out 22 times, and let him in 21.
• I cooked 12 meals and 4 snacks.

What did you do today?

Crunch!

It's amazing how one simple action can bring your world to a screeching halt. One minute you're minding your own business, planting flowers and the next you're on the ground looking at upside down trees and wondering where that screaming is coming from.

Oh, wait. That's me. And what sounded like someone snapping celery stalks was my knee. Again.

You see, I know this drill all too well. The explosion goes off with a pain that cannot be described (Sorry, ladies. Natural child birth doesn't hold a candle to this.). When you can see straight again, you might have someone drive you to Urgent Care, sit for an hour, have x-rays taken, sit for another hour~all in a paper gown that is 40 sizes too big for an elephant. Only to have an ER resident look at the films and proclaim with fascination, "Wow. You have almost no cartiledge left in your knee." In the end, you will discover that it is called a patella subluxation, which is just a fancy word for dislocating your knee cap, and that there is not a thing they can do but tell you to go home and ice it.

As this is the sixth time this has happened in the last four years, my drill is a little different. After the crunch (this time from jumping on the spade trying to dig a hole) and the subsequent yelling and seeing stars, I eventually dragged myself inside where I will be stuck until next Thursday with my knee elevated and under ice packs. I will take inordinate amounts of Ibuprofen and my children will take advantage of my immobility by making me watch every idiotic animated movie they own. Every day I will hobble around a little too much and the muscles and ligaments that have been stretched in directions that they were never intended to stretch will get mad at me. But by Friday I will probably risk a drive to the chiropractor where she will shake her head at me and put everything back where it belongs~ which will hurt ever so much, but which is unavoidable if this is to get better.

And someday I'm going to get a new knee. But until then, I'd better start taking the glucosamine again. How sad that I can't lug laundry baskets right now.

S.A.D.

Yes, it has been a long winter. And Yes, we're all tired of the snow and cold and being stuck indoors. I'll even go so far as to say that it makes some of us excessively cranky. But, come on! Do we really need to label it as another disorder?

I'm talking about Seasonal Affective Disorder, or SAD, and I'm having a bit of trouble taking it seriously. I mean, they worked so hard to get the SAD acronym! Pathetic. We just called it Cabin Fever, and you went to the gym or the tanning salon or bought an Amarylis to grow in the house.

Have you ever wanted to invent an "ism" or an "itis? Well, here's your chance! If men can have PMS now, then I'm sure we can think of a way to legitimize whatever syndrome or deficit that you can come up with. I'll go first:

• P.L.E.A.S.--or Post Laundry Emergence Avoidance Syndrome. In other words, when the laundry comes out of the dryer, I go and hide.

Your turn! Let me hear them! In the meantime, I'm going to go buy an Amarylis.

NitroClean, Part 2

In a futile attempt at being more "domestic", I tried that FlyLady thing for several weeks. I wore my shoes, shined, swished and flung with the best of them. But that is all I did. I did not create one single thing. I didn't have time to putter around with the girls or sit down with my husband in the evening. The house was clean, but none of us felt like we were allowed to live there. I made dinner, but it was extremely stressful, because I didn't feel like I could mess up the kitchen. I could have invited Kim and Aggie over for tea, but we were all miserable.

So we are now attempting a balance between clean and comfortable. We have a place for everthing, and when we need to, it all goes in it's place. There is a separate table for crafts so that we always have a place to eat with minimal fuss. You can take your drink into our living room and if it spills, no one has a coronary. There is hair on the back of the rocking chair, and sometimes it even swirls in the corner by the stairs, but the flip side is that we have fuzzies to cuddle and play with. The dishwasher always need to be run, but my family gets a home cooked meal most nights and loves it. So do I. The clean clothes are more likely to be in a laundry basket than in the drawer, but we're reading through Wind in the Willows together. I think the trade off is worth it.

Now, all that being said, there are some things that I think are worth going the extra mile for. Especially if it saves money. To that end, I started making most of my own cleaning products about 2 years ago. Before you think, "Whoa! That doesn't sound like someone who is a domestic slacker to me!", let me explain.
I live 30 minutes from the nearest grocery store and have two children who hate to go shopping. They get that from me. If I can pull a couple of simple products off my shelf and mix up my own all purpose cleaner, or brew up a batch of laundry soap, and save myself money and a trip to the store (where I'm likely to buy a whole lot more than soap) then I'm ahead of the game in my book. On top of that, the homemade products work at least as well, are healthier for us and easier on our septic system.

I learned how to make almost all of these from Crystal Miller on her website, The Family Homestead. I was spending about $700 a year on laundry products alone. Now it's about $20 a year.

Here is a link to the laundry soap. I use Fels Naptha, which I order from Soaps Gone Buy. You can purchase 7 bars for the lowest shipping cost. That's enough to make 21 recipes of laundry soap, or 42 gallons. I use a little more than 1/2 cup per load because my washer is large. I use ammonia for a laundry booster (for really stinky or dirty clothes) and vinegar for the fabric softener. Your clothes do not smell like ammonia or vinegar when they're done! (The same goes for the other cleaners. Once the surface is dry, you don't smell ammonia or vinegar.) The only thing that we have noticed is that the laundry soap and dishwasher soap work much better for people with soft water. Our water here in the country is off-the-charts-hard, but we have a really good softener (not a WaterBoss from Menards).
Here is a link to the basic cleaners. I use the window cleaner #2. In the all purpose cleaner, I use Pine Needle oil for the essential oil. Then it always smells like Christmas when I clean! I don't know if the dishwasher soap is on there, but I mix one part borax to one part washing soda and then use about 1 1/2 tablespoons per load.

I'm not too concerned about using antibacterial products. I think they have done more harm than good in many cases. But that's another post.
About the only commercial cleaning product that I do buy is toilet bowl cleaner. But only because I haven't gotten around to making a replacement.

I have a real mop, not a Swiffer. I mopped for several years at a hospital in high school and during college summers. The mops we used there weighed 15 pounds when they were wet and I liked that. You only had to go over the floor once and it was clean. There was very little scrubbing involved and you threw the mop heads in the wash to clean them.
I can't quite bring myself to mop my kitchen floor with something that looks like a menstrual pad.

That's about all there is to my cleaning repertoire. Told ya it wasnt' much!

NitroClean

As promised, here follows my philosophy of cleaning. Stop snickering.

• Spring is Not for Cleaning!--whoever invented spring cleaning was definately selling something. Here in northern Illinois (and on a farm to boot!) we have two phenomenon in the Spring that make cleaning a more pointless exercise than usual--Mud and Wind. The dog with the paintbrush attached to his rump and the hubby with the boots bring the mud and the 30+ mile an hour winds bring the dirt and dust off the surrounding fields. Go plant something instead. This applies to Autumn as well.


• If you can get the kids to do it, it's good enough. They might not vacuum and wash windows as good as I can, but then again, it's one less thing I have to do, right?


• "Give a portion to your maidens" (Prov. 31:15) Quick Bible lesson--the virtuous woman in Proverbs rose early in the morning, fed her household and gave a portion to her maidens. This is quite often mistaken as meaning that she gave food to her servants. In reality, it likely means that she delegated tasks to her servants for the day so that she could concentrate on her own work. I don't happen to have servants (I also am not equating myself with the virtuous woman here!), but I do have machines that take the place of hired hands. One of the first things that I do early in the morning is get them started--washer, dryer, dishwasher, bread machine....


• The List and the Mantra--I live by lists. My to do list always starts "laundry, dishes, garbage, fridge, fixtures, floors". That covers most of the cleaning that needs to be done. With that mantra in my head, I don't really need a list for much of the day. Laundry is regularly sorted, washed and ignored. The dishes and gargage are dealt with. The fridge is regularly attended to, not only because unintentional science experiments trigger the gag reflex, but it helps me keep track of meal planning and groceries much more efficiently. "Fixtures" includes sink, showers, etc. Vacuuming and mopping falls under Floors, but so does finding the floor when it disappears. I don't do all of these things everyday by any means though!


• What is the point of making the bed? I'm just getting back in it later tonight anyway! I only make the bed when I'm going to fold laundry and need a flat surface. So you know how often that happens!


• I'm organized because I'm lazy. It's less work. When the snow clothes are in the right place, it takes alot less effort to leave the house than when they are scattered all over the place and you spend 27 minutes looking for the other boot and end up being late for the dentist appointment and get a speeding ticket on the way because you are late.....


• Don't look where the lights aren't on.

That about does it. Just remember that a philosophy is system of thinking, a set of values, or a discipline. All of which are intangibles and require a bit of work to actually implement.

Next post, I'm going to save you some money!!

Next to godliness?

So, there is this show on BBC called How Clean is Your House? in which Kim and Aggie help people turn their horrifically disgusting houses into clean, livable dwellings. The show is a hoot for several reasons:

• I consider myself a slacker when it comes to housework, but these people make me look really good by comparison. (the lab results--Aieeee!)
• I love how Kim and Aggie don't let them get away with any excuses and tell it to them like it is.
• You get some really good, and usually cheap, tips for cleaning.

All of this got me thinking, how clean is my house? What if we created a rating system for cleanliness--something that goes beyond the old "is next to godliness" bit? So here goes, on a scale of 1-5, how do you rate?

1. The Model Home--in this house, nothing is ever out of place and there is never a speck of dirt anywhere to be seen. You could lick any surface in this house, including under the refrigerator, at any given time and not worry about it. There are no pets, no children, in fact, to all appearances, no one at all lives in this home.
2. The Cleaning Professional's Home--the person who lives here makes a career out of cleaning their own home (unlike the person who cleans other people's homes for a living and then is too tired to take care of their own). There is a routine that is strictly followed. Dishes are immediately washed, dried and put away. The same goes for laundry. The cupboards are organized and there are containers and baskets for everything. There may be a pet, but the only sign is the water dish on a little rug in the corner. If you were really nosy, you might find a small "junk drawer" somewhere.
3. The Average Home--A family of 4 lives here with one cat and one dog. It is clean but comfortable. There might be stacks of mail or magazines sitting out. The beds aren't always made. Sometimes it needs dusting or windows washed. There may be unfolded or even dirty laundry and there are dishes in the sink waiting to go in the dishwasher. The office or work room appears to be a disaster, but the owner could tell you where everything necessary is located. You would still feel safe eating in this home.
4. The Slacker's Home--this home could use some help. You can't sit down without getting hair on your clothes and wouldn't dare prepare food without cleaning the counter first. The laundry is more likely to be found on the floor of the closet than in a basket or drawer. The vacuum hasn't been used since the last time "company" came over and there are as many dishes in by the TV as in the sink. The top of the piano hasn't seen daylight in months.
5. The Pestifilent Slough--Enter at your own risk. Don't sit down. Don't eat or drink anything. Don't breathe. Call the Health Department. The sheets can't remember when they were washed last (yes, they have become sentient) and you can't tell if those are tomatoes or apples in the fridge. The fact that the closet is nailed shut is a bad sign.

Confession time. I think I spend most of the time at 3 with driftings into 4--but I'm not admitting how frequently. The Fly Lady I am not.

Now get ready for the nitty-gritty. Over the next several days I am going to share some if not all of my cleaning tips. Don't worry. It won't take long.

Alter Ego

Mild mannered Stacy gets out of bed in the morning when her internal clock starts buzzing, usually around 6am. She then spends the next hour in relative peace and quiet (relative because the cats want fed, the dog wants out, the dog wants in, the cats want running water from the sink, the dog wants fed, the cats want the dog to quit pestering them...) doing normal, hum drum things like loading the dishwasher and staring at the coffee pot trying to remember why she is standing there. About an hour later, when their internal alarm clocks go off, her children will get up and the rest of the day will go roughly the same as it did yesterday. It will be a constant barrage of unanswerable questions and a steady stream of "BrushyourteethmakeyourbedturnthelightsoffwhenyouleavetheroomIloveyoutoodoyourmath
IthoughtItoldyoutobrushyourteethfinishyourlunchofsourseitsthemostbeautifulpicturethatI've
everseenputyourshoesawaygoplayoutside...." This routine is broken only by the weekly trips to the grocery store and the breath of fresh air that is Sunday.

But everyday, when the kids are occupied by some all-engrossing project, this ordinary Stay-at-Home wife and mother assumes the secret identity of Nitrocat and enters the exciting world of Letterboxing! As this Alter Persona, she plans quests for hidden treasure, solves perplexing riddles, and can do things with an Exacto knife she never dreamed were possible. She can also imagine answering the siren song of Thru Hiking, feel the rain of the Moors on her face, and push herself beyond former boundaries. She is creative and deviously clever and has friends all over the globe.

Then the phone rings and the eye doctor wants to know when she can come pick up the new prescription and is she planning on paying the balance of the bill at that time? And Poof! Just like that the costume must be hung in the closet~right next to the dry cleaning~until another time. But inside there is still a sparkle, because she knows that there is more to her than most people realize.

To be continued...

Weekend Lament

Sing with me:
Gloom, Despair, and Agony on me.
Deep Dark Depression, Excessive Misery...
No Letterboxing fun in store today, I see.

They can make me stay home and be domestic, but they can't make me like it!

Teasel's Mobile Home

On one of those days when housework was Oh So Not Appealing, and we couldn't quite make ourselves knuckle down to the schoolwork, the kittens and I decided to spice up Teasel's priority mail box. The following pictures are the end result of our efforts. Teasel was pleased. The kittens both giggled uncontrollably. And best of all, the laundry remained status quo. Bear in mind that I was taking photos down inside a box, which accounts for the distortion.

The first room is the Kitchen, or according to Teasel, the most important room in the house. The picture on the side of the fridge is artwork by his niece, and the phone number is his favorite carry-out place, Slugs R Us. The other picture was procured through Ancestry.com and is believed to be a long-lost Uncle. More research is needed to confirm the fact though. He also keeps a running grocery list. The curtains on the window were made and sent to him by his Mum. The plants are a blue Cranesbill which he took from cuttings in my garden. The stereo is a garage sale find (which explains it's size) and helps him to pass the time when he is not boxing. He particularly likes the Fresh Aire CDs from Mannheim Steamroller.


Next in line is the Living Room, where he can enjoy reruns of his favorite show on the Discovery Channel: Porcupines, Extreme Defenders. It is also where he keeps his pet tetra, Argon, and a few mementoes of his travels. The poster is a reminder that his American citizenship is getting closer all the time! The bureau is another garage sale find and holds his collection of rose petals and other more mundane household items. The plant is a banded arrowroot, or prayer plant, that folds up its leaves in the darkness.


As we move into the Office we can see the computer where Teasel spends lots of time reading clues and following the threads on the message boards. The pictures are of his family. Mom and Dad are in the green and blue frames, and his brother, Spoke, is in the yellow frame. His backpack is all ready to go and he has a flashlight handy for those midnight trips to the fridge. The plant is a division of the Mother-in-Law's Tongue that everyone in my family now has at least one piece of. The art print, of course, reminds him of his childhood home in England.


The last room is the Den, complete with overstuffed chair (leather simply isn't practical for a hedgehog), reading lamp and his favorite books. The list of books includes: Watership Down (c'mon, don't tell me you don't know about Yona!), Hedgie, O Slug-a-Moon and Other Songs, and The Quill, a quarterly hedgehog newsletter. The framed collage on the wall is from Beatrix Potter's lovely story about Mrs. Tiggy-Winkle, one of Teasel's spinster Aunts on his father's side of the family.

Agreeably, the floor is not very exciting, but it does still tell us a little bit about him. The green rug is a souvenir from his trip to Macchu Pichu in Peru, while the blue striped monstrosity is yet another garage sale find that I cannot prevail upon him to get rid of for all the bulk Salami at Sam’s Club. But for all of his stubbornness, he is good at keeping in touch, as the letters on the floor will tell. He uses his laptop while in transit, when he does not have access to electricity (all of his other appliances run on solar battery packs, except the refrigerator, which is kerosene). The newspaper is actually a back issue of The Herbal Companion, which he stocks up on and saves for trips as a special treat.

We hope that you have enjoyed this little tour of Teasel's pad. The author fully acknowledges that this post is in complete rebellion against the fact that I am stuck in the house on a quintessentially beautiful day cleaning my desk (well, that's the premise at least) when I'd rather be out in the woods looking for letterboxes, fuzzy caterpillars, tree fungus or anything else even remotely more interesting than piles of empty CD cases (in our house, that has taken the place of socks without matches), old catalogues and "Oh, Look. Another medical bill that was supposed to be paid weeks ago."
Raspberries.

A Promised Poem (stop cringing!)

My Heart's Desire
By Stacy Christian-2006

Dear Father,

You have already answered many requests
From the gigantic to the mundane.
Well, I've got another big favor to ask.
So here I am praying, Lord...again.

There's a pile of laundry I don't want to fold
Waiting for me on the couch downstairs.
Baskets of undershirts and pants and towels;
Bed sheets and crew socks-all needing their pairs.

If you could see fit to take us to Heaven-
The sooner, the better. We won't mind!
We would much rather be with You anyway,
And I could leave the laundry behind!