Next to godliness?

So, there is this show on BBC called How Clean is Your House? in which Kim and Aggie help people turn their horrifically disgusting houses into clean, livable dwellings. The show is a hoot for several reasons:

• I consider myself a slacker when it comes to housework, but these people make me look really good by comparison. (the lab results--Aieeee!)
• I love how Kim and Aggie don't let them get away with any excuses and tell it to them like it is.
• You get some really good, and usually cheap, tips for cleaning.

All of this got me thinking, how clean is my house? What if we created a rating system for cleanliness--something that goes beyond the old "is next to godliness" bit? So here goes, on a scale of 1-5, how do you rate?

1. The Model Home--in this house, nothing is ever out of place and there is never a speck of dirt anywhere to be seen. You could lick any surface in this house, including under the refrigerator, at any given time and not worry about it. There are no pets, no children, in fact, to all appearances, no one at all lives in this home.
2. The Cleaning Professional's Home--the person who lives here makes a career out of cleaning their own home (unlike the person who cleans other people's homes for a living and then is too tired to take care of their own). There is a routine that is strictly followed. Dishes are immediately washed, dried and put away. The same goes for laundry. The cupboards are organized and there are containers and baskets for everything. There may be a pet, but the only sign is the water dish on a little rug in the corner. If you were really nosy, you might find a small "junk drawer" somewhere.
3. The Average Home--A family of 4 lives here with one cat and one dog. It is clean but comfortable. There might be stacks of mail or magazines sitting out. The beds aren't always made. Sometimes it needs dusting or windows washed. There may be unfolded or even dirty laundry and there are dishes in the sink waiting to go in the dishwasher. The office or work room appears to be a disaster, but the owner could tell you where everything necessary is located. You would still feel safe eating in this home.
4. The Slacker's Home--this home could use some help. You can't sit down without getting hair on your clothes and wouldn't dare prepare food without cleaning the counter first. The laundry is more likely to be found on the floor of the closet than in a basket or drawer. The vacuum hasn't been used since the last time "company" came over and there are as many dishes in by the TV as in the sink. The top of the piano hasn't seen daylight in months.
5. The Pestifilent Slough--Enter at your own risk. Don't sit down. Don't eat or drink anything. Don't breathe. Call the Health Department. The sheets can't remember when they were washed last (yes, they have become sentient) and you can't tell if those are tomatoes or apples in the fridge. The fact that the closet is nailed shut is a bad sign.

Confession time. I think I spend most of the time at 3 with driftings into 4--but I'm not admitting how frequently. The Fly Lady I am not.

Now get ready for the nitty-gritty. Over the next several days I am going to share some if not all of my cleaning tips. Don't worry. It won't take long.