Friday, August 31, 2007

Mowing Mutants

I, the sometimes somewhat intrepid Nitrocat, am not afraid of bugs. After all, I live in Northern Illinois and not the Amazon Rainforest. I've been there, you know. They have two sizes of insects down there. They have the ones that are small enough to fit through the holes in the screen door, and the ones that are big enough to open the door for themselves and walk right in. There was a spider in the shower with me once with a body the size of a grapefruit. I didn't stay in the shower, but that's another story. After surviving the jungle, there isn't too much that worries me (Okay, I do confess being freaked out by ticks when I find them on my stomach, but come on!). The bugs here are laughable by comparison.
That being said, I found myself fleeing for my life while mowing our yard yesterday. There was a mutant dragonfly, which I initially mistook for a bird, that seemed extremely angry about something. It started chasing me and smacking into my head as I rounded one corner. On the next pass around, it hovered in front of the mower, looked me square in the eye, and by some extra sensory means, I could hear it lick it's lips. I decided to leave off mowing and find something in the house that needed urgent attention, like laundry. I could fix the swerving path in the grass later.
After some astute thinking, I have decided that the dragonfly must have eaten part of the mutant mushrooms in the yard. That would explain it monstrous size and ferocious nature. Now all I have to do is electrify some railroad tracks or design a gun that harnesses all of the sun's energy in order to destroy it. Well, at least that works in the Godzilla movies. In this case, a tennis racket might suffice.

This will be the last of our mutant mushroom pictures. I hope. I mowed them yesterday. It was very gratifying to see the ragged chunks spread all over the grass shrivelling in the sun. Unless the ominous black cloud that exploded from one of them when I ran over it means anything...


  1. sounds like a sequel to me. don't you know those are actually alien outposts spying on you to figure out how to best take over the planet?? the dragonfly was their sentry....

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